Continuing on the path of 30 Days of New… #9 is the most painful and most enlightening thing I’ve experienced. Ever the girl with the glass half full, I sought the positive out of that all time low. Aside from the birth of my two beautiful children, this experience rocked my world… So I’m thinking this is pretty much #9 – #30 and we’ll just move on from there.
If you read my last post almost two weeks ago, I was praying for the chance to be with grandmother here, on this plane, on Earth. Well blogosphere, I got my wish. She was here, but she was also gone. That Friday night will forever remain in my memory. When I walked in, only a faint light from the hallway shined in the bedroom as I whispered in her ear and her bright blue eyes surprised me as they popped open. You see, she tried to talk to me when I first arrived that today. “It seems, awfully, awfully, awfully…” Those were the last words grandmother ever spoke. She spoke those words to me. I wish like crazy she could have completed that sentence. I’m grateful that just two days earlier I popped in to give her a hug and kiss while she could still communicate.
In a matter of twelve hours, this woman that I adored was alive and well – and then it all changed. I spent that Friday and Saturday keeping the company of my mother, drinking in all the information the hospice nurses were giving us, and generally in shock. At 4:08 AM on Sunday March 9th, mother texted. The time had come and I headed back up to that house that has, “a driveway that reaches the heavens.” This is what the hospice nurse who pronounced grandmother’s passing said to the men coming from the funeral home, where to look for mom and dad’s home. It was a fitting description for the occasion.
I’m grateful, where I’ve been bitter for so many years. Grandmother stepped up in my life in a huge way. When I couldn’t turn to parents or friends, she was there. And she was there well into my thirties. How lucky am I? In her passing, I feel as if I’ve found my true calling, and it’s so far from the petty money making business I’ve been in post college. I’m so excited to turn my back on that life and open a new chapter in my life. When I get there, this new chapter, I know grandmother will be smiling down upon me. I know she will be proud of me. I know she’ll have realized that without her, I might lack the motivation and drive to take on this new challenge, that will ultimately be a gift to me and my family.
If that experience weren’t enough to fill my 30 Days of New, as I experienced so many firsts in the passing of gran… I’m rounding out the 30 with a random, slap you in the face – be patient, kind of experience. The hubby and I like our beer, and there is a store a hop-skip-and-a-jump from home that carries our specialty beers. I went there tonight and was happy to see my favorite employee of the establishment there. The first time she ever scanned my hefty beer purchase, she stopped, looked me so seriously in the eye and said, “You look just like Rebecca from Pretty Little Liars.” It made me laugh… I started watching that show on Netflix because of this girl. Ever since that first meeting, we exchange witty banter, talk about the show and just generally exchange a hefty smile. It’s not often you get to hit it off with a perfect stranger. So tonight, when I randomly found out she’s waiting on a pancreas transplant, and it will occur in the city I’m moving to… Well, I just had to smile. Gran showed me this. She made sure I knew. I am confident my new friend will be in the city I’m moving to, undergoing a major life changing surgery…. And I will be there for her.
There have been many situations that have shown me to not judge people, don’t get angry or even rude and hasty with strangers. Who knows what their day was like today. What are they looking forward to tomorrow? If I take anything positive away from the past two weeks, it will be to make a concerted effort to be more compassionate and calm. It’s so easy to get caught up in life. It’s not an easy one, I don’t care who you are… it’s never easy all the time. And we are all just the same, going along, wanting to love what we do and who we’re with. We all face obstacles in our paths…
This brings me to my next personal challenge… 30 Days of Kindness. I still have a heavy heart, but I’m wholeheartedly looking forward to tomorrow. “And I ain’t got no worries, cuz I ain’t in no hurry at all…”